Dating success mp3
When your married and have a problem with yourself you cant just go away for a month to sort yourself out, married people have to deal with things together.What's wrong with going away for a month when married, as long as you're not in the middle of a dispute with your spouse?Many partners, in healthy and committed relationships, can do even better with a bit more alone time and independence to develop themselves. To me, "what you hold true to, and what you change" depends on your goals. As for what the "right" other person will do - that too depends on the ratio of what they are giving to what they are getting.If you can reach the goal you set with who you are, then no change or improvement is required. For example, if the "traumatized" individual has a lot of other positive qualities to give and/or is asking very little of a partner, then the exchange might still be equitable before the person becomes "whole". I'm sure they derive (to some extent) from your values, which are also necessary to know when to stick with goals and when to abandon them (depending on how each option fits with those values).Relationships (from friends-with-benefits to marriage) are an at the core. All my observations have shown me that not being your true self always fails in the long run.When a relationship is a good deal for both partners, they stay and trade together. Take a moment (or longer) and figure it out.2) Decide what you will give in return - There is no such thing as getting something for nothing. So, what are you planning to bring to the exchange? Think about all of the strengths, benefits, and positive qualities you have to share with a partner. It is unrealistic to expect to buy a mansion with pocket-change. Who cares if you can get the girl by temporarily being self confident, if it isnt already who you are chances are your lack of it will show up in your relationship causing your lady friend to be disapointed,and finally, if its not who you really are why the hell would you want to be with a women who made that a priority?For example, if you want smart women..talk to a few in your area and find out what they like. Then see whether what you're willing to give matches up with their wants too. So, take both into consideration for success in dating and relating. I think being who you are and improving is a fine line, that I, and I'm guessing sometimes others, get confused. What if you think what a certain type of person wants isn't really what they want?If you're looking for creative men, then check out what they are into. Get to know the dating market you're interested in - and what they are looking to "buy" in return.5) Assess your options - Once you know your dating market, you can see who might be interested in an exchange. For example, if one went through a trauma that makes them leery of dating do they work on that and become "whole" before they start dating, or will the "right" person understand and accept their hesitance as they work on improving that aspect of themselves? (As it seems opposites do not always attract, nor always repel, if I were to guess an extrovert would want another extrovert I would be right some of the time and not others...) As usual, not expecting an answer/response to all these questions, but I'll take 'em... I think you want to be the best person you can be before you offer yourself to others, but that understanding of "best" has to be based on the person you want to be, not the person you think others want you to be.
Well, if I stay as "who I am" today I might NEVER achieve my mating goals...
Based on Social Exchange Theory, here is the general advice I give for successful and satisfying dating and relating.1) Figure out what you want - It all starts with you. They get so wrapped up in "finding love" or "pleasing others" that they forget to figure out what they want out of the deal. A general idea of what you would like from a partner is best. Make it a good deal on both ends.4) Know your dating market (what "they" want) - Here is where you take into consideration what your potential partners might want. Especially when the relationship is fair, satisfying, and the best alternative for both you and them. Do you need to give a little more to get who you really want? Do you need to try a different dating group, time, location to find someone to connect with? Eventually, you will find a connection (or several) that works. .let me clarify something about the post of mine that you mention. White's message is that figuring out what you want in a relationship is more important for a successful love life than guessing about what others want." I wasn't downplaying trying to figure out what other people want from a relationship--which is very important, I agree--but rather trying to figure out what other people want you to be. So, I chopped "a successful love life" out, just to be on the safe side. Being true to yourself..also finding someone who wants who you are too.
But, you don't have to be so vague and guess about all men, women, etc. So, search for the people who match that and find out what they want. However, if you don't like your options, then it is time to rethink the steps above. We can put the age-old dating debate to rest - BOTH what you want and what they want matters. For instance, I wish people wouldn't think about "do women [or men] want me to be welathy, or funny, or sexy, or outgoing, etc." and then trying to be that person instead of being their authentic selves. White's message is that figuring out what you want in a relationship (and being authentic to who you are) is more important for a successful love life than guessing about what others want you to be (and trying to fit those expectations). With the right person, dating is both a satisfying exchange - and an authentic one. For example, if one is more on the pessimistic side is it okay to allow yourself to be that way or is one supposed to become an optimist?
In the future I will redouble my efforts to make the distinction among terms even more clear (for myself and others).
Nonetheless, good insight liking "values" to this discussion.