Who is will i am dating
Do I find white women attractive or do I see them as some exotic idea I should find attractive? I have to think my preferences were at least somewhat shaped by the ubiquitous image of Latin men as “The Lover,” an image that’s been shoved down my throat. Not even close.”So here I stand, trying to be woke, and not dating white women, and feeling kind of bad about that.
Not because of what or whom we love, but as a way out, a way of being seen and of being saved. Because I’m definitely dating, and thinking that the decision to no longer date white women might not be my own, that any decision to choose a side doesn’t help the whole hashtag-woke thing because how do we solve anything if we just separate and isolate? Cool is such a simple word, not the word I want to be using right now. (I probably shouldn’t even be talking about dating or not dating white women.
Like my pops said, “Maybe they’ll choose you.”It’s a message amplified by movies and TV, from “Save the Last Dance” to “Master of None” and dozens of other narratives that all feature, in one way or another, a black or brown man being made better from being with a white woman. An aspiration to “better the race” has always been a thing. And also, I mean, a lot of white women are really cool. Ah, man, this isn’t going where I wanted it to — )Anyway, this is me yearning, praying, journaling, writing, dialoguing, putting up a one-man show, wishing, trying to pick a side, wondering how to choose myself and trying to wrap my head around this, hoping that I’m doing woke right, because something just doesn’t feel right.
Since I was a child, I’ve internalized the idea that the hand I hold determines my worth more than my own hands. If we think about it, it’s really just a comment on power: “Chico, you trying to have power now? My grandmother and other grandmothers and mothers would warn us: “Don’t date someone darker than you. I don’t care about your damn opinions about how dark people are and how kinky their hair is. Christopher Rivas is a storyteller, actor and the creator of "The Real James Bond Was Dominican! To hear Modern Love: The Podcast, subscribe on i Tunes or Google Play Music. Continue following our fashion and lifestyle coverage on Facebook (Styles and Modern Love), Twitter (Styles, Fashion and Weddings) and Instagram.
Actually, no, I definitely broke up with her because she’s white.
I think I broke up with my last girlfriend because she’s white.
My criteria included things like: must ski or snowboard; must watch NFL football, but not be a fan of the Cowboys, Seahawks, Patriots, Eagles, Cardinals, Rams, or Giants; understands the importance of sunscreen (I wish I were joking); orders dessert after dinner… And hopefully the person they deliver hates the Seahawks and knows the importance of sunscreen.A fresh shave followed by a ton of cologne (he’s Dominican, and it’s important to him that people know he’s coming, and know he’s there), and then blow-drying his hair to get that perfect coif. My pops would explain that as a young man in the Dominican Republic, you had to work so hard perfecting yourself, preparing your mask, so that when a young European or American woman came through, she might choose you, as he would put it, might take you home with her, like that was your only way out. At 30, I woke up one day, took a deep breath, looked at her and thought, “I don’t think I can date white women anymore.”Maybe I wouldn’t have broken up with her if it hadn’t been for all the judgment coming my way.Even years later, my pops still took longer to get ready than my mother and sister combined, delicately taking a black Sharpie to any stray grays that might pop up in his goatee. Later he made his way to New York City, where he met my mother, who is Colombian. Over the years I have dated brown women and black women, but mostly white women.But I feel like all of the advice for how to do that is stuff like “join a club” or “volunteer at a charity.” Except, if I volunteer at a charity just to meet someone and then I meet someone, I feel like that kind-hearted good soul is going to be pretty disappointed when I’m like, “Oh, I don’t ACTUALLY enjoy giving my time to help others; I was just trying to get laid. So here’s my best advice for the stuff you should do if you’re really looking to meet the person you’ll spend the rest of your life asking “What should we eat for dinner? Listen, I don’t want to be harsh, but if serendipity were the way you were going to meet your person, you wouldn’t still be single.It pains me to admit this, but if you want to meet someone, you have to work at it. You know where you met someone to knock boots with? At Soul Cycle/the coffee shop you go to every day/your favorite wine bar/etc.